Our Times: January-February 2006

Caning Cures

A Russian scientist claims that a beating on the buttocks with a cane will cure everything from depression to alcoholism. He argues that caning releases endorphins, the body's natural “happiness” drug. He recommends a standard treatment of 30 sessions, delivered by a person of average build. The Russians are charging £57 for a standard caning. "The treatment  works. I'm not sadistic - at least no in the classical snese," protests the scientist

Credit-Finger

A German supermarket chain has introduced a new method of customer payment using the finder. Customers who register for the service, run a finger over the scanner at the cash desk to confirm their identity, when making a purchase, then receive the goods.

Metallic Glass

A high strength "metallic" glass three times stronger than the best industrial steel and 10 times springier has been developed. Its strength comes from metal atoms, which normally arrange themselves in ordered arrays, or crystals. The atom in metalic glass are disordered jumble, rather  like the atoms in a liquid or glass. With many prperties, such as low melting temperature and super strength, glass has many potential applications.

Literal Promise

A Texas oilman is using his Bible as a guide to finiding oil in the Holy Land. Literaly interpreting the text of Deuteronomy 33:24, he believes there is oil lying beneath the biblical territory assigned to the Tribe of Asher following the Exodus. The passage relates to Moses' blessing to one of the 12 tribes of Israel in, "Most blessed of sons be Asher. Let him be favoure by his brothers and let him dip his foot in oil."

Foot in Jar

A man from kansas who had a foot amputated has decided to keep it for old time's sake. The man, who keeps the foot on the front porch of his home says, "I'm not sick or, like, a danger. I just wanted my food."

Snail Trail

A pharmaceutical company in Chile is marketing snail slime as a cough cure. According to the company owner the slime is an effective cough remedy, because it comtains antibiotics and has anibacterial and anti-inflammatory uses. The company has more than 8500 snails working to produce the elixir, which comes in strawberry and avocado flavours.